Book: 7 Keys to Better Boundaries - See through the Games and Do What's Right for You by Stephanie Sternercategories: Book, Self-Help, Assertiveness, Approval, Guilt, Approval Addiction, Saying No, Better Boundaries, Say No, Difficult People, Nonfiction, Setting Boundaries
Stephanie Sternerabout this book: I wrote this book because setting and maintaining good boundaries can be tough. So often people want us to do what suits them rather than what's best for us. And they're not always honest about their intentions – or the details of what they're asking. When people play games with us, it's hard to make good decisions. Unless, of course, you can see through those games.
7 Keys to Better Boundaries takes you through the games people play, helping you to both recognize them and respond in a way that works for you. So many books on boundaries tell you where your boundaries should be and how to set them. But that advice is, by its very nature, based on assumptions about what's best for you. But that's a decision you're perfectly capable of making for yourself – once you're empowered with the right information.
Without that information, it's easy to become a people-pleaser. At least that way you won't feel guilty about letting others down. The problem is … well, you end up resenting others for taking advantage and feeling angry with yourself for letting them. That's not a nice place to be.
In a tricky situation, there are quite a few things you may need to understand:
• how much you're being told and whether it's all true;
• the hidden consequences of going along;
• the type of people you're dealing with;
• your values and beliefs about the situation;
• the many lies that run around in your head, persuading you to give away your power;
• the inner workings of your painful emotions (such as guilt and shame); and
• the need to accept others' choices as well as your own limitations.
That's a lot to understand! But I promise to make it easy, with simple language and practical examples. Whether you feel guilty saying "no", you're looking (consciously or not) for approval, or just feel uncomfortable setting boundaries but don't know why, this book will give you the understanding you need. It's short (less than 20,000 words) and to the point. And when you're done with it, you'll understand what's been going on all this time. Armed with knowledge, you'll start making decisions that work for YOU.
And with each success, you'll feel better about yourself. You can't wait until you feel good enough to stand up for yourself. Stand up for yourself – even a little bit – and you'll begin to feel good enough.
preview: read a sample from this book
what to read next: if you read and liked this book...
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